DHS - Department of Human Suffering....Love is what we need...

The Department of Human Services has gone through a lot of bad press regarding how they have dealt with certain cases where kids were horribly abused or killed after social workers had already investigated allegations. For all the good hard working social workers, I feel sorry for the extra energy your management has put to force feeding you to do a better job. For the two social workers I've met. There's still a lot we need to talk about. My son made me feel he was being abused last September, and after making sure what he was showing me was more than just something he wanted to play a game with, I called the Philadelphia Department of Human Services for assistance. As professionals, I figured they'd be the best to help me figure out whether what Aviv was showing me was true and what wasn't. A case worker came to my house within a couple of days. When she did, she looked over my house, asked me what I'd noticed and why I called and took one look at my son. Without doing anything else, she said, oh he's too young, he's not gonna say anything that a judge would listen to. "I don't even know why I'm here, I usually work with 12 and 14 year olds. If he were talking [meaning if he could talk well enough to testify in court] then maybe we could do something for him right now. Sorry, she said, but I'm gonna have to say there was nothing founded in my report unless you can get him to talk to me right now." And you'll just have to wait till he's at least 5 or 6 for him to talk. I couldn't believe it, my son tells me something, his mom won't even acknowledge that I'm calling her for good reason. At the time she had left him with me for like 5 weeks. I had been religious about sticking to our agreed custody arrangement. The laws in Pennsylvania give dad's very little leeway as it is, so making sure we get equal time with him, means I get my time with him, period. Well, my dad lived through the '50's and me, I get to let you know what hasn't changed since. Now, I'm a good guy to understand that agencies like DHS must get a lot of false calls, parents trying to pit the system against the other to gain leverage and full custody. I've never had to do either, my goal has always been my son's well being. Having no contact with him when he was at his mom's house has been something I've struggled with ever since we started living a part. It was not something I was dealing with just at the moment, I'm talking about now. So, I took this social worker's read as, you went to her house first, before you even saw my son. OK. You talked with her first. Cool. She's Black, me I'm White. That I'll never miss. She, for all the heads out there, has been learning about the moors. I feel that. She likes to abuse this gate, though and build a re pore that makes me nothing but some confederate flag yielding, white sheet wearing KKK white dude. Can I say how easily this insights riots in the Hood? Oh, yeah I grew up in this city. My whole life, and not till I met her did I have to prove my word was born. Holla. In any case. I think I got sideswiped for having a mixed child and a baby's mama that said I was just being racist and was trying to get over on her. Whew, imagine if this shit were flipped. My mama would have whooped my ass, had I abused such accomplishment that even my ancestors today supported and fought for. I can't even imagine finding everlasting salvation in such a hustle that doesn't force your ass to listen to your son. All I would ask anyone to do is switch the focus to the kids. Every child is worth the energy it would take to get to know them. Any kid going through something demeaning or abusive is not going to talk to just anyone about it, ever. So for 8 months all I had was he's too young to tell us anything, sorry, but you're out of luck mister. Like how dare I even try. Hmmph, listen, get shady with me, watch me find a way to find someone who will listen. This Spring, my son started talking a lot, this time giving examples and showing sure signs of neglect and changes in behavior that were too drastic not to show clear lines from something traumatic. Literally, He spent 8 weeks with me, this time. Spent a whole week screaming at the top of his lungs. He has never done that, always 24 hrs of screaming and adjustment, but he always pulls through and a little boy will emerge the next morning from the cocoon he's confined to in his other environment. After 5 days straight of him acting out the whole day, screaming. Waking up after going to sleep, screaming he's not going back. He'd never had bad dreams like this, ever. I called his mom and told her we needed to get him evaluated. I don't think she's ever considered that his behavior could be connected to something he's experienced. Listen, had I been able to work this out with just his mom, it would have been resolved years ago. What can I say, it took me a year and a half, and now 2 years to try to get something out with anyone else. Aviv, daddy's not giving up on you. We're just fighting with weapons older than any metal smith could smelt, when we break this tunnel through, it'll be because you and I were working just as hard from either side. Your effort will show your worth greater than any trauma would subside just from me shooting, no holds bar. Instead I'm picking up my pen and shooting knowledge out to as many people as read this entry. For all the heads trying to figure out how I'm not contributing. Listen, being there for my son is all I have. I shoot someone, his mom will never have a chance to move past what she went through as a child and Aviv will think that's how shit changes and for real, they ain't putting people in jail to change things. Shit stays the same, the more people like you and me get put in shackles. So, A case worker comes to my house because my kids been screaming for three weeks straight. He won't tell me anything about what's bothering him, can't, says he'll get hurt. So, I spend each day with him, giving him the space to work out of his screaming bouts. I mean I can't hit him for acting out, cause it's obviously something that has been in him for a while. So, we start climbing a latter our of the pit, using each tantrum as a rung and the closer to light we get, the closer to not feeling responsible for the emotional baggage he's carrying, he gets. I'm a firm believer in a person figuring out their own resolutions to life's problems and watching my son go through something so serious with no support to climb out of it, but from his daddy. I fully support my kid in his development and was raised not spoil anyone. This guy comes into my house, hears my observations, hears what little Aviv has told me and looks around my place. He tells me that he's been to Aviv's mom's house. Where everything seems to have a meaning. OK, good, she's got alters to guide her spiritual growth. Oh, and the old man you say is her boyfriend. They refer to him as the Prophet, or Prophet Ali. This is straight from the case workers mouth. That wasn't enough to include in his report though. He can't evaluate anyone's mental health except if the child is bleeding and having been 3 weeks since I made the report. We've been doing work ourselves, just to function day to day. The way I actually got a case worker to come to my house is a great sequence of events. I wasn't planning on returning Aviv until some sort of support was instituted for him to feel comfortable enough to be at his mom's house, alone. Like I said, I'm not allowed to have contact with him when he's there, and He is still telling Me he's not going back. I've never kept him, even when he used to cry about it, but this was for weeks, not as we're putting our coats on to go to his mom's house. Well, so I write an email to some close friends about my situation and how I could be held in contempt for going against an existing order. For Aviv, I was ready to be held till this was all brought to a head. I got one response. From an old teacher of mine. He's now a psycho-therapist and specializes in child abuse. Don't you know, he spent 5 minutes with me and Aviv, and for the next 2 and half hours worked with Aviv. Two and a half hours. Play therapy. Aviv got to work through all his emotions. When we walked into the door, the furthest Aviv could express what he was going through was by punishing himself. Hitting himself on his hands. across his own face, telling himself to shut up, stuff like that. When he left, he was able to become his abuser and act out on other things (like a puppet) how he was being hit. As we started to rap up, Aviv and my psycho-therapist friend went outside to run into his next door neighbor's kids. Turns out his next door neighbor is a Director at DHS and after hearing Aviv's story from both me and our therapist friend, she gave me the chain of command and who I should talk to when. By Monday, this was Wednesday I think, we had a DHS worker at my house. By the end of the week, when the hearing was, I was seeing a kid work through his own issues, right in front of me, not only mirroring other people's behavior, but acting out and saying what they would say to him, while he was being hit. And by the end of the next week, the week DHS came to interview him he was figuring out how to work things out by himself. Telling me he loved me everyday, whenever he felt it. That was something he'd only done out of the blue. Man, so when this case worker came in, I knew all he was seeing was a happy kid. He told me how unless there was blood coming out of the kid, he couldn't do anything unless Aviv would state directly to him how he was being abused. Aviv took one look at this dude and said I don't know you. I couldn't blame him. Later, he said, "Daddy, I'm just a little kid, I can't talk to people." This is probably the hardest thing I'll ever hear anyone say. Aviv, if I could give you the podium as you want, I would man. Well, after an hour of sitting in my house and about 5 minutes trying to talk with Aviv, asking him things like do you want to go with me to your mom's house? (no, I'm with Daddy.) Or, is your mom using Crack. Man, that one fucked me up. He don't know you man. This DHS worker got his things together and as he was walking out of my door, said under his breath, "Man, I'm not getting shot over something like this." Shot, who said anything about being shot. Listen, I told him, as he's walking down my stairs, if you think they're intimidating you, what about this little kid. Only person he has looking out for him is me. What a bitch, yo. Afraid he's gonna get shot, so he's not gonna take that as reason to make sure my son's safe with me? You're a bitch. I kept Aviv another two weeks, and at the following court hearing, after I highlighted every nasty and abusive act my son had testified to me in confidence. OUr Psycho-therapist friend was not allowed to testify because both parents had not approved of his talking with Aviv. The judge turned to my lawyer and stated that I had no reason to even say anything. That Aviv's mom was granted full custody. I have two hours supervised visits every Sunday at Family Court at 18th and Vine and Aviv, no need for any follow up. Fuck him, how dare I keep a child from his mother. Riding the bus home after this, I went to a mosque instead of going right home. It was either find myself in a room full of men for a higher cause, or I'm shooting somebody. I got home and was accosted by a call from my parent's minister. My parents and him were coming over to make sure I was level enough to talk to. Aviv was not to be involved in any discussion about him having to be sent back to his mom's. I was to be escorted the rest of the way, so as not to go against another court order. Man, don't you know I only had 45 minutes to tell him he was going back into a war zone no one would step up and support him in for two years. This shit has got to stop ma. Pick your kid up and make love your judgment, not how much your ego will gain from people thinking you're getting over on some white dude. I ain't that dude and you ain't that good at what you do. So, don't slip. That kid will remember everything when he's old enough to emancipate himself, and like you did with your mom, he will with his. Peace and Blessings. SAVE AVIV, everyone, no more kids need to be lost in the system. And thanks ahead of time for all your support. My son really deserves a better life than what he's been getting, and I deserve to be able to give it to him.